a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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