Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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