I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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