I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
