I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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