Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
