it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
