Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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