Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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