im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
