Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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