I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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