I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
