Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
