I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
