About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
