; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
