just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
