So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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