In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
