OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I need water and some morals
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
