It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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