Quick, to the slutcave!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
