i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.