wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage