her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
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It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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