Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.