Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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