she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.