no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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