Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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