Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
