She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think my moral compass just broke
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