i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
