I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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