We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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