Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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