Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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