yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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