At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
