He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
