could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
