He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize