are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
