I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love having hate sex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
