Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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