I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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