Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
even my farts smell like vagina
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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