In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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