You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
