I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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