careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
