You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm just crazy horny about you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
