She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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