At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
