I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
