Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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