Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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