hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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