even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
