We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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