Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
