he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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