i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
