Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My life is pants optional.
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