So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just forgot I was standing up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
