2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
