Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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