If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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