i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
how drunk are you?
Several
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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