You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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