highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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