A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
