I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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