Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
