So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
