K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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