and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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