OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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