Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
