did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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