I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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