I am in a vortex of obligation.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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