I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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