I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
